In
August 2013, Brett and I saw each other on the dating app Zoosk. His picture
was in front of his white Tahoe, he and the truck were hot! He didn’t believe
that was me in my picture. He didn’t believe anyone real was that beautiful! We
liked what we saw, but you could only send a wink without subscribing, so I
looked him up on Facebook. We talked nonstop for a couple of days before we
met. We met at the gas station, the first time I saw him, he was walking out of
the store with a box of bud light! It was love at first sight! I knew that this
was the only guy for me! I was head over heels! He came over and I cooked chicken
bacon ranch pasta for dinner It was way too dry, but that didn’t stop him from
eating 3 plate fulls and later he had 2 more plate fulls! He is a very outgoing
person, but that night he was so shy! We weren’t really connecting, because we
were both shy that night! He says he was going to leave, but I don’t believe
that for a second! We got in the hot tub and his face went white as a ghost, he
had left his pack of cigarettes in his pocket! He was so mad at himself, so we
got out and went to the gas station for a new pack. We came back and got back
in the hot tub…and once again he forgot his cigarettes
were in his pocket! He was furious! He pulled the whole reaching for his drink
to put his arm around me move. Finally when we were watching a movie, I told
him he could make his move anytime! Then he kissed me! We were inseparable
after that! If we weren’t together, we were texting! We fell in love right from
the start! It was scary, but I knew that it was meant to be! About a month
after we started dating, he got scared because he had never felt that much
about anyone, so he ran away! It broke my heart! About a month later on
Halloween, he sent me a message apologizing to me for the way that he had
acted, that I didn’t deserve that and that he was sorry. I sent him a message
back, but didn’t hear from him again! On Thanksgiving I sent him a message, but
again didn’t hear back from him. Turns out, he never got those messages. Brett
wanted to get ahold of me and get back together, but he didn’t try because he didn’t
think I would give him the time of day! In October I got horribly sick, I went
days without getting out of bed! I was going to the doctor every week, they
couldn’t figure out what was wrong! Finally on December 17, 2013 they sent me
in for a stomach scan. They called about an hour later with the results…I
was12-13 weeks pregnant!!! That was not at all what I had expected to hear, I thought
that had been ruled out at the very beginning! I got ahold of Brett, he of
course didn’t believe me, since we hadn’t seen each other in months! He came
around in an hour or two after the shock wore off a little and we decided to
get back together and make us work and make a family! It was like we had never
been apart, we had never stopped loving each other! The next day I went to the
doctor, turns out I was 17 weeks pregnant! I heard the heartbeat and it took
away the fear! It was breathtaking! We got to spend Christmas with the loves of
our lives! We were happier than we had ever been!
On December 26, 2013 we found
out we were having a boy! No doubt about it, his legs were spread apart for the
whole world to see. Brett said oh he has jim dog! On the way home we decided
his name would be Jaden Brett Payne. Brett was so happy that his son would have
his name and that he would be a Gemini just like us! I moved into his place, but
when he worked nights one week a month, I would go back to my parents and stay.
We were inseparable!
On New Year ’s Eve we went out and Brett asked me to marry
him! It wasn’t an official proposal, but it meant everything to us! He asked me
a many more times unofficially to marry him! We couldn’t wait for Jaden to
arrive so we could be a family!
We were so happy and in love! We wanted to get
married, but we wanted to get Jaden here first! We even had our rings picked
out and everything! We weren’t officially married and officially a family, but
to us, we were! We were even talking about having another baby, hopefully a
girl, in a couple of years. Brett was working with his mom to get us into a
house, instead of wasting money on renting. I remember walking through the
house and they had the saying Families are Forever, Brett loved that and said
we would always keep that sign up in our home, because we would always be
together! We talked about turning our lives around and getting back into the
church and being sealed as a family, he said he wanted to be with me forever! Brett
was so kind hearted and always looking out for me and making sure that I was
well taken care of. He went out for a beer run and came back with cookies and
cream ice cream for me, since I had been craving it! He didn’t have a lot, but
he would give you what he had! He loved the cute little signs I gave him on holidays,
like the candy bar poster I made for Valentine’s day and others like “I love
everything you dew” and “I am so lucky to be in love with you!” We were getting
so nervous and excited for Jaden to get here! Brett had really stepped up! He
was a changed man, a family man! His friends say that I roped him in and
changed him for the better! He had really matured and was excited about our future!
Brett is my sweetheart, the only one for me and forever the love of my life!
On
Friday March 21, 2014 at 7 months pregnant, we finally got to see what Jaden
looked like in our 3D ultrasound. He would only show us one side of his face,
but oh was he a cutie! He had his Daddy’s nose and his Mommy’s lips. Brett said
he was a hero, because he made it to the ultrasound! And he was! We didn’t get
much sleep Wednesday night and then he started his week of graveyard shifts on
Thursday night. He was so tired, but he made it! That meant so much to me for
him to be there when I knew he just wanted to go to sleep. I gave Brett a hug
and a kiss and told him I loved him, like I always do, and sent him off. On his
way home, Brett fell asleep, his Tahoe rolled and Brett died from his internal
injuries on the way to the hospital. We didn’t have much time together, but
Brett is my forever! I moved back in with my parents who are amazing and we
started to prepare for a life that we never imagined would be like this! Never
in a million years, would I have ever imagined that I would be a widowed Mommy
with my sweetheart as our guardian angel watching over us and I certainly never
imagined giving birth to our son without Brett there! My mom was amazing she
was with me all through the labor and delivery!
On May 22, 2014 2 months and 1
day after I had lost everything, after 33 hours of labor and a C-section, our
miracle, Jaden Brett Payne was sent straight from his Daddy’s arms in Heaven to
my arms! Although Brett was not there physically, he was there in spirit!
Holding me and letting me know of his love! They really had to tug to get Jaden
out, he didn’t want to leave his Daddy! My mom was the first to hold Jaden, she
put his face next to mine and he just stared at me as if I was his whole world,
his everything. And I knew that was Brett telling me that he is here with us
always and that everything would be ok. He looked just like his Daddy! What a
healing miracle this bundle of joy is to me! Jaden gives me the strength to
keeping going each and every day! I never thought I could ever be happy again,
but Jaden makes me so happy! He keeps me laughing and smiling on the worst of
days! Brett and Jaden are the loves of my life! I am trying to be the best
Mommy that I possibly can be, but it’s very difficult doing it without his
Daddy here! Jaden is a daily reminder of his Daddy, he looks and acts just like
him! He gets a huge smile on his face when he sees his Daddy’s pictures and hears
stories about him. I am raising Jaden in the LDS church, because I want him to
know that his Daddy is always with us in spirit and that someday we will all be
together forever as an eternal family.
